I'm 6 DPO in my fourth cycle TTC #1, have very clear Os, and think that our timing has been very good. I know four cycles isn't much but I'm also sure that you guys know it can still be frustrating. Now on to why I'm a horrible person.
A good friend of mine has been trying for two cycles, doesn't chart and barely knows how long her cycles are. Three weeks ago I helped her figure out approx when her fertile days would be and she had sex with her hubby twice during that 5 day period. She also told me that she didn't think she or her hubby are ready for a baby just yet but that they were going to try this second cycle just for the fun of it. Well now she's 9 days late and although she keeps getting BFN, I can't imagine that she's not pregnant. However instead of being happy for her, I'm sad for myself. I'm doing everything right and am lucky enough to have normal cycles. It just doesn't seem fair!
I would sincerely appreciate any encouraging words. She's going to see her doc tomorrow and is going to ask for a blood test. I won't be testing until next Thursday if AF doesn't show before then. My LP ranges from 10-13 days and I don't want to see a BFN so I'm waiting until I'm late (14 DPO).
Shannon ~ 33
6/5/11
My Blog http://280daystomakeamiracle.blogspot.com/
Shannon, I know just how you feel! Last cycle (my fourth), a friend of mine who had told me a month before that they were "thinking of maybe trying, but not sure" informed me that she was newly pg. Obviously one of those people that only has to think about getting pg for it to happen! The day she told me happened to be the day AF arrived me for me last cycle. It was a downer day to say the least! I felt the same way. I was happy for her, but completely bummed for myself. A couple of days, a few tears, and some good chats with my very level-headed DH helped.
You are not a horrible person and you are certainly not alone! TTC can make us all feel crazy (and - if you're like me - like a bitter, barren woman of biblical proportions) sometimes. Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself! I have my fingers crossed for both of us this cycle.
Me (30) & DH (29) married 2004
TTC since April 2010
Endometriosis: Lap in August 2004 and again in Feb 2011
Subclinical hypothyroid
I also have an inflammatory arthritis (autoimmune).
2 rambunctious vizsla furchildren
<http://www.tcoyf.com/members/LauraB/charts/5.aspx>
You are not a horrible person!
TTC is an emotional business especially if it takes a while to get that all important BFP. It is challenging when there are people close to you seeming to fall pregnant easily while you are doing everything you know of to maximise your chances, but still not falling pregnant.
I am sure that at heart you will/would be very pleased and happy for your friend should she be pregnant, but it is natural to feel sadness for yourself at the same time.
I recently thought I may have been pregnant, however AF arrived late, and within two days I found that 3 friends were all pregnant, one of whom wasn't even trying!! I am very happy for all of them, but I am sad and dissapointed that I am not pregnant. I see my happiness for them and sadness for myself as being separate, and that has helped me cope with the situation.
Hope you have good luck with this cycle!! xx
I can totally relate!! I often feel like the only people that get pregnant are those who aren't trying, irresponsible, and aren't mature enough to have a child.
My Chart
Me: 31 Husband: 32 Hoping for baby #1 in someday!!
History: 5 years of marriage not TTC, but not TTA either = no pregnancy, Chronic Spotter
October, November 2010: Clomid 50 mg - BUST
December 2010: Break! HSG done on CD 5 - All clear!
January 2011: Clomid 100 mg, Ovidrel CD 13, Estrogen and Prometrium.....only stimulated one follicle; cyst on left ovary discovered
February 2011: Clomid 150 mg, no follicles stimulated, left ovary cyst appears to look like an endometriosis cyst; Husband's SA revealed low morpholgoy
March 2011: Consulted with RE again; lap scheduled for April 2011; will move onto injectables once the endometriosis is cleared..probably paired with an IUI or IVF.
Other various supplements, herbs and acupuncture attempted as well.
You're not a horrible person. I completely know how you feel. It's tough, but think goodness for these board to vent and see others in similar situations. GL!
You're not horrible...if you are, then we all are because we've all been there. It can be hard to not get upset. Don't beat yourself up
http://www.tcoyf.com/members/nikole6201/charts/default.aspx
I can relate too...my sister is pregnant, due in November, and when I found out she was pg I was so bummed and well, let's face it, jealous! I love her and of course will love her baby but it's hard to watch others who aren't trying conceive so (seemingly) easy.
http://www.tcoyf.com/members/flyakite/pccharts/5.aspx
I'm just going to admit I'm more horrible. I'm not happy for others when they say they are pregnant. I'm am insanely jealous and angry. I'm terrified every day of who next is going to say they are pregnant. Once they are pregnant I avoid them. I'm so happy that the remaining pregnant girl at work is going on her mat leave. but it is just a matter of time until someone else is. Why do the prenant people always expect us to be happy for them? They're not sad for us.
Me - 29 Husband - 29
TTC #1 since May 2009
1 May 24, '10 James Angus - 10 weeks due to SCH
1st round Clomid = BFP!
don't be so hard on yourself. It's a difficult process, so many ups and downs every single month. My BF is 9 months with her second (which she claims she never wanted). She claims to sympathize with my struggle TTC because it took her a year first time around, but it kills me that she is so ho-hum about her current state. We all get tested.
Hi everyone, I'm in the same boat--having a really hard time keeping my chin up around pregnant women and moms with small children. Last spring a friend of my BF's got pregnant--when I found out I burst out crying while telling BF how happy I am for them BUT... Since then I found out it took her a year of TTC, she's 32 & a heavy partier all while TTCing and drank like a fish until she got her BFP which really makes it seem even more unfair. I'm 44 and being super healthy and trying my best, I am realistic about my odds but it still stings!! We just got invited to their baby shower (co-ed), fun-fun. BF says I don't have to go, not sure yet. Anyway, it feels great to have ladies to share this with!
me: 44 BF: 46
TTC since May 2010
☆☆ My Chart ☆☆
You're a wonderful person for taking the time to educate her about her cycles and fertile period. The fact that it hurts a little (if in fact it has worked out for her this time) is completely understandable. The thing that's so hard about this process is that you genuinely can feel two, different things at once: on one level, happy for a friend who got what she wanted; on another level, sad and a little bit bitter for yourself. The sadness/bitterness feels like it outweighs the happiness, because we are all more invested in the outcome for our OWN lives than for a friend's or sibling's (believe me, they feel the same, they care more about their own pg than someone else's). We're human--that's all it is.
You're a good person for helping her, and you're obviously a conscientious person for researching all of this, and actually planning thoroughly your potential pregnancy. (your friend's trying just for the fun of it? are you joking?)
Trust me, you're a good person.
K (39) DH (40)
4/20/10 @ 11w
EDD 5-11-11
Very similar thing happened to me! My BF and I started TTC almost the same time. After her first unsuccessful month, I told her about OPKs and a few other things. She used the OPKs the next cycle, found out she O's later than she thought, and got pregnant! While I'm on my 5th cycle TTC, and I know things are awkward for both of us! My little brother and his fiance are getting married soon, and they want to have kids right away. I feel like a horrible person, because I am dreading the announcement, but at the same time I don't want her to go through what I've been through - but maybe it is easier for other folks. I just thought it would happen by now, but I know a lot of people go into it thinking it may take a while - that may be a less tumultuous way to go!
Sara (33)
BFP 09/07/10
EDD 5/19/11
arrived 4/22/11 at 36 weeks (Earth Day baby!)
http://www.tcoyf.com/members/smk/pccharts/5.aspx
I so greatly appreciate all of the kind words and similar stories. It really helps to hear them and remind me that I'm not alone in this. I'm waiting for her text or phone call or email about her dr appt. I doubt that they'll have a blood test result right away and assume that a urine test won't be any more accurate than the HPT that she took yesterday so I doubt she'll have a definite answer. Any input on those assumptions? How long does it take for a doc to get blood test results?
I thought it would be so cool that we are both TTC at the same time because I assumed it would be easy for both of us. I can only imagine how much more difficult this is going to be if it takes me much longer (and she is, in fact, pregnant). I guess I should worry about that if it happens and not focus on it now.
Thanks again so much for the support!
Amazing how quickly I went from feeling badly for myself to feeling badly for my friend. She got her period right as she was walking out the door to see her doctor.
oh my gosh, this TTC thing is such an emotional roller-coaster, isn't it? i'm so sorry you were feeling down, and sorry too that your friend got bad news. it never feels good to try so hard at something, not feel successful, and then feel like everyone else around you has it easy! my DH and i can't believe the number of pregnancies/births within our circle that have occurred in the time we have been TTC.
i hope you are able to find comfort in the experiences of all the amazing, strong, determined women on this site. i know how much it has helped me to hear the incredible stories of perseverance - it keeps me trying when i just want to give up, curl into a ball, and cry my eyes out!
hugs to you and everyone on here who needs one!
Me: (32) DH: (35) Married: July 26, 2008
TTC #1 since Sept. 2009
January 2010
BFP Jan. 24, 2011!
Make a pregnancy ticker
Oh satkins, you are NORMAL!!
My sister in law announced that she was pregnant in march, and I (we've been trying since Oct ) cried for 2 hours nonstop (my nephew was born today!!!) . DF and I got in a HUGE fight over it. Then 6 weeks ago, my gf who only read the book partly and charted for MAYBE 2 cycles announced she was pregnant, again I cried and cried.
I think it is normal, and the nice thing is on these msg boards everyone is really supportive!
I wish you all the luck in the world! My sister in law told me, your baby knows, when he or she is ready for you, it will happen... i hope so!!
DH 32me 28waiting for my miracle TTC# 1 since Oct 2009Started Clomid 50 mg CD 3-7 Nov 8-2010... BFN! Clomid to 100mg on Dec 13 CD3Progesterone level 19.9 CD21 (Dec 31 '10) FINALLY where it should be!! (I cried I was so happy)Jan 12 2011... BFP!!!! 15DPO Beta @ 227, 21DPO Beta @ 2854First due Sept 19 2011 First u/s on Feb 1 2011, shows a healthy baby! Heart rate at 143bpm.Consultation with the midwife, Feb 25 2011 Heard the heartbeat, Feb 25, 10W5DHeard the heartbeat again Mar 25, 14W5D... baby is strong and healthy!u/s booked for April 23!! u/s shows all is well, and baby is healthy!! MY CHART!!
aw, Doodlebug, i had tears in my eyes from your comment "your baby knows when he/she is ready for you"! (granted, i may be a little more sensitive now that AF is lurking!) what a lovely way to think about it. i'm going to try to remember that on my blue days.
satkins - i hope you are feeling better!
Thanks again everybody!
Doodlebug - I've actually been seeing a counselor since the beginning of the year to work through some childhood issues and she told me early on that she believes the same as you - that your child will show up when you're ready. She just recently told me that she thinks she's going to be talking to a pregnant woman in the next few months. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that she told me that - I know I've done the emotional work but I don't know if that's enough.
I'm so thankful for these forums and everybody on here who's so supportive - definitely has kept me sane through the last 8 months getting ready to start trying and through the first 4 cycles. AF could show anytime between Monday and Wednesday and I don't feel any different than any other cycle so I don't really have high hopes for this cycle. Hopefully soon!
I have also been struggling with feeling like a horrible person- DH and I have been TTC for 6 months. After our first month of trying my brother-in-law announced he and his girlfriend of 1 year were pregnant. I cried so hard and have been so jealous ever since since they will be having the first grandbaby- while my husband and I- who have been married for 6 years are still trying.
My friends who have babies have also told me that my baby will know when he/she is ready to come into my life and when he/she comes is going to be just as completely and uniquely special to all your family.
I recently realized read about the idea of being consciously ready to be pregnant, and opening your heart to the idea of welcoming a new a life, as well as the "Law of Attraction" basically you will received back what you put out into the world. So I decided that I needed to get rid of the negativity surrounding my brother-in-law impending baby. As a result-I decided to sew a new baby quilt for my soon-to-be niece. I have to tell you that the experience is quiet cathartic and I am feeling less angry and jealous. I love babies and I do truly hope that my niece will be healthy. I will always be sad that I did not have the first grandbaby but I am no longer going to let it turn me into a angry, jealous person that I know I am not.
Best of luck to all out there struggling with this. I know it will happen for all of us...
Wow! Thanks for posting this!!