Hi Girls:
I need some advice/support. My DH is leaving this Tues for a school co-op work term (just found out when he was leaving yesterday). I am 30 weeks pregnant, and his plan is to come back in the beginning of May (I am due May 20th) and then stay 2 weeks after the birth, and then return to his work term till Oct. His job is at sea on the opposite side of the country. Might not even have internet/phone till they are back in port every few weeks.
Ok, so I know the whole get your help lined up business for when baby arrives, but at this point, that isn't even my biggest concern right now. It's more of a "how do you deal with your spouse/partner leaving?" I can't even sleep b/c I get so upset thinking about it. We knew that this was going to happen, and it is going to be like this for the next 4 years, and we can't put off having a family (we both really want one too), but I just feel so sad. We went thru heck trying to have this baby (IVF/ICSI, and told us to have donor backup halfway thru our cycle, but managed to get pregnant with a biological embryo), and now I feel so bad that I am not even excited about her arrival in 10 weeks! I mean, I am of course, but how can I be that excited when my DH is leaving? I always envied those people with babies when we were TTC, and now I am envying those families with their spouses/partners.
My family and closest friends don't even live in the same city as me.
Anyone out there who is or has been in the same situation have any advice?
Blue
I don't have a lot of advice as far as your spouse being gone while pregnant/ right after the baby is born but I wanted to give you .
I do know what it is like just dealing with a deployment ( my husband was overseas for 18 months with little communication) and it was really hard. My mom actually moved out here (we currently live on the other side of the country from family) and stayed with me while he was gone. Your support network is what is going to get your through this, I know it sounds kinda of silly but I would try to maybe meet some of the other spouses of people we works with especially if they have children or find a support group. The emotional part is the hardest.
I'm sorry that you are going through this but soon you are going to have an amazing bundle of joy to keep your attention! Best of Luck!
Well, I'm about to go through the parenting alone myself... Not sure what to tell you. My folks are planning to be here before and after my DH - he gets 2 weeks home (and obviously no clue if that really will coincide with the birth, but we're hoping). They'll come out a few days ahead and stay 2 weeks after. Aside from that, I have friends in the MOMs club who will be bringing meals or helping out if I really need it. My DH will be back when baby is around 2-3 months, so I don't have it nearly as bad...
I will say this - I've been through a deployment with no children and one with and it was much much easier for me to say goodbye this time than last... As much as it's harder raising kids alone, you are really forced to buck up and get on with life for your kids' sake.
I agree, can you get to be friends with some of the other spouses of your DH's coworkers??
Hang in there - people do do this... It's not fun, but I always remind myself it could always be worse. :(
Susan - 30 married to Chris -31
Catherine Anne born via c-section June 30, 2008
Rebecca Marie born naturally April 18, 2010
expecting #3 January 15, 2012
Thanks guys for the support and advice. Unfortunately my DH is the only one that is married and have/having kids. Everyone else in his program is much younger (like 10 years) and in a different frame of mind.
Calladona, when your DH went away with the first baby, how long was he gone? Was he there for her birth?
Blueberry
My DD1 was conceived AFTER DH's first deployment. This is only our second deployment. So he has missed out on most of her second year of life, which sucks, but oh well. He should get to be there for this one's birth - we hope, but still there's a shot he misses if I go early. Good luck - really sucks that there's no one around to commiserate with - maybe try and find some single mothers or military wives with deployed husbands to hang with, if you can??
My husband left for his second deployment when I was 30 weeks pregnant with our first (together). I already knew he would not be there for the delivery, and I won't lie, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Watching him get on that bus at 2am sent me into hysterics, and I think I cried most of the rest of that night too. My husband met our son when he was six weeks old, and then didn't see him again until he was 10 months old.
All I can say is try to be strong and focus on what you have control over rather than what you do not. I ended up having to give up a lot of things by the end of that pregnancy, but I survived by keeping myself busy (I also had two other children to keep me occupied and I worked full-time). I also had a journal here that helped immensely when all I needed to do was vent, be angry, be sad, be happy...whatever. a
This time around, my husband left for military training and school when I was about 6-7 weeks pregnant, and he will finally be coming home in about a week...he's missed pretty much the entire first half of the pregnancy and there's a chance he won't be here for this birth either. He is supposed to leave again on training in August (when I'm due) and so far there's no word on him being able to stay behind. I'm trying not to think about it too much at this point, but it's a probability. I also already know that he'll be leaving again on deployment #4 when this baby is about 9 months old.
There's no way around it, it sucks a**. But I have to remind myself that it could be a lot worse...although at times it's difficult to see it that way.
You're definitely not alone!
13
10
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8/28/10
Thanks Calladona and Mommakatx2. I think I will be in hysterics when I drop him off at the airport tonight. I've already had a meltdown everyday since we found out his date for leaving.
I guess you guys have it better than me tho, I can't imagine having a DH in the military, and having to go back and forth so often. At least my DH will be safe and sound. I do journal, so that helps, and then he can read it when he comes back when I write about baby.
Thanks guys!