Hi,
My son just turned three and has been out of diapers during the daytime since he was 2.5, when he was ready and requested the change.
We did EC with him part-time and were reasonably successful, though when going through big developmental changes he did have regressions from going potty -- which is partly why he wasn't out of diapers sooner. His mind/body wasn't up for taking charge yet so his pottying dropped off from 18-29 months, with waves of successes here and there.
The part-time sitter we have used had to move and his prior sitter, who left town for a while is now back. Even before the old sitter finished at the end of January, Jonah started having a hard time coordinating pottying. He wouldn't go when offered, would hold until it was too late, and this would happen when he was with us, but more frequently when he was with the sitter. With the new sitter he basically won't potty for her at all. He has typically three accidents when he is with her -- she typicaly watches him 3-4 hours.
I've been trying to parent him through this, using EC techniques such as speaking positively about successes and not scolding him about accidents. I asked him yesterday about why he wouldn't potty with our sitter and he indicated that he wasn't comfortable with her helping him and he wanted to wait for me to help him. He also told me again that his body wasn't being clear with him about when he needs to go. He mentioned that the sitter told him "no more accidents", which I don't take as positive coaching at all -- I think that will just make him feel bad without encouraging him that he can do this.
As for other factors playing into this, I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our second, and still nursing my first, though my supply is down and due to discomfort I have to cut it short. Both the weaning and pg could be affecting him enough to cause a regression -- and I posted in January in the Older Children forum about other pre-three behaviorial issues I was seeing in him, which started around the sane time as this potty pause.
I'm tempted to put him in diapers with the sitter, but then she would have to change him and I think that would be a step back in his being less on control over his pottying. I'm going to talk to the sitter more about her language and reaction in discussing accidents with him.
Does anyone have any potty regression experiences to share and how you managed them? Anyone coming from an EC perspective offering input would be helpful as well
TIA
Ann
"pregnancy...an episodic, moderately extended chronic condition with a definable mortality risk to which females are uniquely though not uniformly susceptible" Read my blog...
We EC'd from about 11 months with ODS. He was out of diapers during the day at around 21/22 months. But he had thre or four major regressions all the way up until 3 years old, when suddenly it seemed to come together altogether. We never put him back in diapers but just kept dealing with misses and continued with EC techniques. He would regress when he had bad illnesses or was overtired and once during a bad flu where he ended up dehydrated and in hospital around 2.75 years old. He took a month to get back on track after that. Then just after three he went through a phase of pretending to be a cat and peeing on the floor and our couch and in closets. He also was playing a lot with diapers and wipes and peeing in diapers by standing over them and aiming onto them, often getting the floor. I posted in General Parenting about that if you want to look at that post...
Anyway, once i figured out what was bothering him, I could just get mentally back into EC and just wait for the regression to end - in the case of the cat like behaviour, there was an underlying issue that got worked on too. He is 100% now and even getting up at night himself to pee. Which I thought would never happen. I do not think going back to diapers or pull ups will help. I would definitely coach the sitter in how to handle the potty stuff the way you want and just keep at it. I have posted in similar threads and in the EC thread that I sometimes felt like EC-ing so early had been a waste of time because we arrived at 3 and were having the same issues as conventionally trained kiddos - and sometimes worse! That said, he was still out of diapers for a full year, yes we had misses, and had to wash some clothes and the floor from time to time, but it was worth it IMO afterall...despite the frustratiions at time. FWIW, I am glad we never went back to diapers or pullups and just kept at it.
I hope that helps!
Julie and DH - 35
3 Yrs Old (Nov 2006); 1 Yr Old (Oct 2008)
Julie -- thanks for your reply. It is good to hear from another EC parent about regression, since it seems a little different than traditional potty training.
I've been working with him all week on:
reminders of needing to try
stopping what we are doing to have a "try" if he is not adamant about not having to go
being positive about when he goes potty, even if we instigated it
telling him when he asks "no more potty accidents?" that is okay to have accidents, but that we have to try and that I think he can do it (in an encouraging tone)
talking to him about whether our sitter can help him -- he said he was "shy", so he is building up his comfort level with her is what he was telling me.
It does seem to be helping. I've talked some to the sitter but I'm going to continue the dialogue with her. She seems to get really frazzled by it, taking it personally or something, probably because she is just starting with us again. It is hard to get someone new to understand that pottying isn't a blame game, it is a matter of building confidence over control of one's body and like many other things small children learn -- it takes time and comes with set-backs.
They had a success going poop on Friday, with her helping him, so I think just talking about how he was feeling helped some. He seems to enjoy playing with her a lot, so this is probably part of getting use to the change in routine.
Ann - that sounds great. I think you're right, he probably just has to get used to a new person helping go to the toilet etc. Once he is comfortable and the sitter feels more confident too, it will probably come together. Take care :).
Why not go the other direction with the sitter. Put him in elastic sweatpants with no undies so you can pull them down easier and go potty by himself with a little baby bjorn or a stool and the big potty. That way she doesn't need to help him perse.
I have been ecing since dd was 4 months and we have several pauses. The most recent one was AFTER a vacation. She stayed dry the whole vaca and when we got back we reverted to about a miss a day. We seem to be going back now. Stamps worked great!
Good luck!
Nicolita -- thanks for your suggestion. I don't think the no underpants would work as my son is a bit of a fuss pot (aren't most kids this age) and it would likely upset him a lot if he didn't have his underpants on. I totally get what you mean though as it would be easier. He also uses potty inserts at home and they are just a bit too tall for him to deat himself on. Soon I think he might be able to graduate beyond the insert, but I can see he is very attached to them still. We don't use inserts away from home anymore (I had a foldable one we used to use), but he asks about where his potty seat is often. Creatures of habit they are.
I potty-trained my DS the traditional way, so this may not be very helpful. I just wanted to say, however, that my experience has been that regressions can be totally normal. DS is 3 1/2, so we don't have much of an issue, but very occasionally he still goes through a phase where he'll have an accident or "pee just a little" in his underwear. This will usually happen several days in a row. I don't make any kind of a fuss about it, but I do have him put his own clothes in the hamper and get his own clean underwear/clothes on.
DS was really close to being night-trained, too, before DS2 came along. We do use pull-ups at night, and he would wake up morning after morning with a dry pull-up. When the new baby came, though, he regressed to peeing in his pull-up every night. Once again, I just ignore it, but I have him do all of his own changing in the morning.